Creating a Learning Network for Kingdom Builders!

I have good friends who are about to get a divorce. They have been living individualistic lives - God has not been in the middle!

I want to talk to them and share this discussion with them. I want let them know there is HOPE. I have my story. I'd like to hear your stories.

Here is mine...

My husband and I just celebrated our 37th anniversary. We have all kinds of reasons for NOT succeeding in our marriage...

--we were married very young. It was before I 'figured out' most things regarding life.

--my husband has struggled with "Temporal Lobe Epilepsy" that effects fear/anger/panic. At various times during our married lives, each one of these areas took over our entire lives -- making life difficult for both of us. Plus there have been times when I was simply not the easiest person to live with!

--as part of the treatment for his epilepsy, both my husband and I had psychological testing. The psychologist said, "Your personalities are diametrically opposed. You should be divorced. But you're not. I'd say the reason you are married is because of your faith in God."

That is so true! My philosophy on people, having lived some 50 years is this: people do not generally have within them what it takes to exist together. Why? We hurt each other.

We are by nature selfish and self-centered.

Then, when you add children, relatives, work, past hurts, financial problems, future unknowns, etc., you build a 'mountain' that is difficult to scale.

But, God gave us the ability to do things that we could not do on our own:

--the ability to really forgive each other so that past hurts are in the past.

--the ability to love each other when we were really unlovable! And, we know how difficult that can be. It is EASY to love people when they are making us happy. But, when we need love is when we make each other unhappy!

--his help to build a strong and secure marriage for each other and our kids, who are now grown.

So... that is a bit of my story.

Can you share yours? I want to share this discussion with my friends who are in trouble.

And, you may have some friends who could benefit from this thread, too!

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Lynne, thanks for sharing!

Bill, what you wrote is so beautiful! Thanks for sharing. I am going to encourage all Kingdom Insight members to read it and be encouraged.

Bill Jones said:
She is so right. This is her new husband......we have been married for 43 yrs. but she is new to me now and I am new to her. She is my one and only and I mean ONLY. We will enjoy the rest of the years of our life together like never before. We have been together since our first date at 14 yrs. old on a hay ride. There has been no one else. But I have been guilty of not putting her first for a long time now. I was religious and knew all the answers but I didn't have the right attitude and didn't believe in our unity. We are very different. She has only a few interests and I have many. In fact there is not much of anything I could not be interested in. I own a business and have been there 42 yrs. I spend 6 days a week there. That is going to stop. I am going to spend more quality time with Lynne. I ride a Harley. But it won't take the place of her when she needs me. I teach martial arts and have for many years. But she can keep me in line in a loving way. I fly an airplane but she soars above me. I'm learning to play a piano but she plays my kind of music every night! I hold advance licenses in electronics and radio communications but she communicates to me more clear than ever before. I am a genealogist but she can show me where I really came from and where we are going. I am the local expert on DNA research in genetics and genealogy but she has proven that our DNA is made together in Heaven. I am past presidents of many organizations but she presides over my life before anything else. I am trained in weather forecasting by the military but she makes all my days full of sunny skies. I am a writer but she adds the meanings and quality to the words before I type. Before I just thought I had understanding but now I can read her mind. She is my all in all and I shall always be there for her until death. No one can move me away from her. We may not live another 43 yrs. but whatever is left of our ages together will be the best ever! True love casts out fear. Being involved in teaching self-defense and combat I know no fear of any man. But the only fear I recently realized was that I might not have her any more because I have been so critical to her and not understanding what her needs are and placing my desires before hers. Now everything falls into place and I don't have to be concerned about doing the wrong thing because she will forgive me and we will walk hand in hand laughing into the next day.
Well I don't know anything about marriage or divorce, but I know what true love is. It's perfectly described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

If your love isn't like this verse then maybe it's not really love. Divorce seems like the easy way out to me instead of actually dealing with problems together. What if God decided to "divorce" us whenever we turn our backs on him?

Bump -

We're getting lots of traffic these days.

Don't want anyone to miss your story, Richard!

Richard Mayhan said:

My full story is here:

I was privileged to work with a group for several years that supported spouses who had been wounded by their mate's infidelity. I'm going to respond from this perspective, that is, surviving infidelity in marriage. I currently have a Twitter ministry to this group. Once per month, God brings draws someone to me that is surviving their own infidelity to God or their mate's infidelity to them. I do nothing to draw these people but God provides as He will.

In general, God used the strains within marriage to bring me to the end of my own efforts, then He redirected me to Himself, to faith. If I consider ALL of Ephesians 5, I get this:

1. There's a mystery involving Christ and the church. Part of that mystery is that He loved the church enough to give up his life for it. Another part is that He treats the church lovingly, even when His bride doesn't deserve it.

2. Husbands are to love their wives in this way ... enough said. Husbands, do you love your wife even if she cheats on you? Don't you cheat on God regularly? Who is the bigger whore, you in your relationship to God or your cheating wife in her relationship to you? For me, I'm the whore, so what do I do? I live sacrificially for my wife based on the lessons taught me in the gradual unraveling of this mystery.

3. Wives are to submit to their husbands. Wives, are you going to have a hard time submitting to your husband if he loves you so sacrificially that he reminds you and others of Jesus' perfect commitment and sacrifice.

This is the mystery, I think, that we can look at our own marriage and dimly see the relationship between Jesus and His bride, the church. Jesus has been so faithful to me in my lifetime that it makes me want to shout. He kept his covenant with me even when I wandered off for more than 25 years. Is "shocking" the right word for that? What is? There really isn't one, that's the mystery.

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