Have you ever found yourself further back than where you started? Have you ever forgotten what GOD said about you and became confused, depressed, insecure?
Well, it happened to me.
A few years ago I really had the idea of the Kingdom pretty solid and settled. I understood that the Kingdom is what God, Jesus Christ, rules over and that everything I did for God's Glory and to extend His Kingdom (adding new citizens) was "the Kingdom".
I understood that serving His Kingdom was, well, that's what I was called to do.
I know I influence connected communities and the natural, especially the civic, but my calling was identified with the Kingdom.
I started to listen to what others said about me, to what I in my own self said about me, and, ultimately, to what the Enemy said about me.
Over time, and my closest confidonts know why, the root of insecurity and the desire to be "unique", independent, rose up in me until I went from a Kingdom calling to a dual-calling- the Kingdom and the Natural. I suspect that I would have ended up dropping the Kingdom calling totally.
Some people are called to serve God and His Kingdom by serving the natural, there's nothing wrong with that, but, for me, I was called from the time I was 9 to serve the Kingdom, even though it was prophesied that I would influence "the nations".
I started to confuse "influence" with calling, I wavered in what God told me back when I saw 9- to follow Him no matter what, even through fire, without precondition, and, if I did, He would give me great wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. I forgot how and why God literally arranged my marriage- He called Dora and I into service for Him to reach the lost and be His hands and feet among the nations. I forgot what God showed me in my own spirit- that people need to find shelter in His Kingdom and that I had to help show them the way.
For me, as God dealt with me, and gave others a witness, the key thing, though I failed to really claim it, was undertsanding and applying governance in the Kingdom. It's what I DID, it's what I thought on, it's what God gave me insights on.
The other day I asked someone what she saw as her mission, and when she said what her mission was, it was simple and direct.
I wanted to be able to say something simple and direct, and I realized "Bill, you don't have a core driver, you can't say what your life's work from God is all about?"
So I said, "What is MY simple mission, I want to be able to say something direct like that about me!" I wanted a "mission identity" I could always have in front of me and use to prevent others, or myself, or the Enemy, from diverting me from: because I was definitely feeling diverted and controlled!
She said something like "well, why don't you say it?" (I suspect she KNEW it, and everyone else did too, everyone of course but me).
I just responded, something like "to help people implement Kingdom-based governance", and she said, knowing me, "you mean understanding and applying governance in the Kingdom?"
Yup, that was it.
Now, if I had already, years ago, made that my mission, or claimed it in the Name of Jesus as something He gave me, I'd have avoided struggles and pains. I suppose God knew that about, but it's something I could have avoided.
I am sure I'll still have to face doubts, temptations, and attacks: that's spiritual warfare and the hosts of hell want me to fail in my calling in Christ
I am still sort of "in recovery."
If I can be transparent here- I bear a great sense of shame, sorrow, and regret. Part of me really feels like I can't trust myself. I know God has grace, so I trust Him, and I just try to focus on a newfound liberty and certainty- whatever I might want to do, whatever others want me to do, at my core, my special "mission" from God (we all have a special/unique relationship with God, He makes each of His children feel that way), is that I seek to understand and apply Kingdom governance.
I have joined a global conspiracy against the kingdom of darkness- look out devil, here we come!