Names, places and people disguised to protect the identity of those involved. I am telling this in "story' form.
Bobbie, my son, has ADHD. He is not a bad kid, but he is hyper and occasionally gets in trouble for making the whole class laugh. Think 'class clown.' He is 11 years old.
One of his best friends at school, his classmate, is the son of his teacher.
He and his friend have been discussing a sleep over, Bobbie is excited.
He comes home from school, very chest fallen. It seems that his friend asked him mom, Bobbie's teacher if Bobbie could come over Friday night.
His mom said, "No, son. I don't want you hanging out with Bobbie. Choose better friends."
I was skeptical that Bobbie's friend had gotten it right -- but in getting ready to handle the problem, I found this - that is what my son's teacher had said.
I want to talk to her ~ what should I say? (This is a real account. If you need more details, just ask) Before you quickly jot your answer - can you consider your answer in a similar way that our Task Group is considering it? Here is the background:
Our task group has this charter....
A. To answer this question - though it often does not happen, should the body of Christ resolve their issues and conflicts. Status: we spent a lot of time reviewing scripture and we agree, it IS our responsiblity to resolve conflicts
B. To review Biblical examples of conflict and resolution.
C. To encapsulate some of the key values, practices and norms that help guide us in how to 'get along in the Kingdom", including how to resolve conflict. We call these Shared Standards. We want to test our thinking about resolving conflict against these.
D. "IF" we can, as a group, develop a shared understanding of how to resolve conflict - we intend to call the entire body of Christ together in our community and ask them to do two things...
1. Go through this same exercise.
2. TOGETHER, agree that we will not sweep conflict under the rug, but that we will resolve it biblically.
Here are the core thoughts that we are using to harmonize our values and practices as we create shared standards. We are calling this KINGDOM DNA.
Replies
I'd love for Christians to stop judging others and be more loving to neighbors. IMO, I would rather have a adult that has a problem with my sons behavor to come to me or my wife and not take it up with my son.
About 10 years ago we had an adult that did not like my son correcting her boy at school about where babies come from. This mother told my kid that I lied to him about where babies came from.When in fact it was her that was lying. The school got involved where I told this mother,if you feel the need to lie to your kid she better tell him to keep it to himself or he will learn his mother is a lier on the street or at school. She was a hard core Christian shamed about sex.
Now years later she is raiseing her own grand babies where as I taught my kids about birthcontrol and had no unwanted pregnancy. At that time my town had the hightest teen pregnancy rate in the state with abstinence only sex ed. I was involved in fixing that as well. WOW, that school board hated me.
Still good luck, I'd love to see far less judgeing others from Christians.
Juanita said:
Thanks, James ~ this conflict happened in the past, our group is running it as a 'scenario'...
We are using these concepts as the basis for resolving conflict. The goal is this, if we find that we can successfully address conflict ~ we will call the entire church across our whole region together and see if we can extend the ability to resolve conflict.
Here is a 'snap shot' of using the basic concepts
1) Unity in Diversity
2) Popular Soveriegnity
3) Democratic Equality
4) Rule of Law - scripture
1. Unity in Diversity.
As Christians, we should work toward unity with the other believers UNLESS there is a compelling reason to divide. If we divide on a personal level, we are supposed to warn the other before dividing so that the things can, if possible, get on track.
In this case ~ if she had an issue with Bobbie and said to him, "My son would like you to come over, but I need you to quit 'doing this or that which is bad for you to do and something I don't want my son to copy from you'... that would be helpful. However, if Bobbie is just being like any kid might be who has ADHD ~ then she is actually teaching her son to divide from people for no good reason, she is missing unity in diversity.
2. Popular Sovereignty
We are all created different and we have the right to be different. In this case, Bobbie has ADHD. This isn't something he choose ~ he should be accepted as he is; not pushed into a mold that could 'crush' him because he is not like his classmates.
3. Democratic Equality
We are equal before God, though some believers in their Kingdom work have larger scopes of authority. In our use of authority in the Kingdom, we should not 'lord it over people', but serve them. In this case, the teacher ~ as a teacher in a Christian school, has the obligation to serve Bobbie and similarly, she should be teaching her son to serve Bobbie.
4. Scripture - as rule of law
The concepts above are directly from scripture. Plus, we have this 'golden key' in getting along with one another - that is the Great Commandment: Love God and love our neighbor as our self. Would this teacher want someone to treat her son like this? No.
Summary: This teacher has made a mistake on several different levels. Bobblie's mom needs to talk to her kindly and see if they can resolve the differences. If they can't ~ Bobbie's mom has to make a decision. Is this a very important thing: perhaps very important in Bobbie's life, perhaps very important in the lives of the other students who might have similar experiences? If so, then she needs the courage to involve others in resolving the problem. Matthew 18 indicates that if an issue is important, believers need to keep bringing it to the attention of others ~ asking more people to get involved in order to help solve the problem - eventually bringing it to the whole church to help with a resolution, if necessary. This is a risk and benefit. If the teacher 'holds on' to her 'right' to do this ~ their relationship may be ruined. However, by continuing to escalate it; hopefully good and godly people will eventually be involved who will be able to help put things right. If believers actually resolved conflict according to Matthew 18; we would build skills to be real PeaceMakers between each other and in our communities. Now, that would be excellent!
My husband and I went through formal Peace Making process with a company run by Christians who had taken our business name. We first asked them to stop, they declined. Because we felt that it was severely damaging our business, we went to court and we got an injunction in Federal court for them to stop using our name in their business. Then we all agreed to go through a formal Peace Making process for damages ~it was one of the best experiences in our entire lives! Peace was made ~ we work closely with that company now; there is TRUST and real relationship. That is the power of God that works though our lives when we learn to live out his principles among each other; this is how the Kingdom is designed to work.
James said:
Kind of hard to do. With so many different ideas of what the Bible says could lead to more conflicts. Best not to over think this and go have a talk with this other mother.
I suggest a neutral location. Meet for a coffee or something.Just the two of ya.
Good luck.