I have a confession.

I can be a TERRIBLE Christian at times.

I know better, and I'm not making excuses, but it seems like sometimes I repeat the same WRONGNESS over and over again.

In my case I have a tendency to do three really bad, and wrong things:

1. I assume things, usually giving the worse possible interpretation, and then lash out as people around me for the "bad" thing I presume that have done, will do, or intend towards me.

2. I throw fits of rage when things seem like they are going against me and when I feel like I am losing control over the situation.

3. I cover up my own mistakes and inconsistencies by attacking the other person, trying to bring up their faults, while making them "prove" my "guilt" beyond a doubt!

Recently I had a really trying situation where I was confronted with some things and, thank God, I was able to avoid these three things, well, mostly. I felt good about it, but I also found myself thinking "this is great, but can you keep it up?"

Here's where conviction comes in and helps....

I can talk a good game. I know enough to say the right thing, usually. I am never more spiritual than when I am standing in front of a group of Christians extolling the virtues of the Kingdom or explaining how I choose to live daily for Jesus according to His Word (which includes "the seven devotions").

What struck me was this- I can't stand up and tell others about dying to self and living for Christ to build His Kingdom, to be devoted to the things HE was devoted to, if, whenever I am tempted by own flesh in these areas, I give in. I cannot say "I am walking the Kingdom daily" and let myself fall for the temptation of "fleshing out."

I have learned that I assume the worse because I have fears and don't trust God like I should.

I have learned that I use angry outbursts to intimidate people and to get my way.

I have learned that I accuse people when I am questioned because I rely too much on me and not enough on God.

I have always tried to "stop" the behavior, but do you see what I see?

My approach is wrong!

I don't need to NOT assume the worse, I need to TRUST GOD and when I feel fear rising, I need to repeat, out loud if need be, "I trust God, not man, I just need to be sure I AM RIGHT in God's eyes."

I don't need to NOT get angry, I need to remind myself that I am a living sacrifice, I am not here to "get my way" or anything like that.

I don't need to NOT accuse, I need to receive what is said and remind myself that, even if this IS true, even if I am wrong, God will still help me overcome THIS and use me for His Glory.

Of course, the objective here is to be FREE of the fear and mistrust, the selfishness and self-will, and the spirit of accusation and self-glorification.

Am I there yet, will I never, ever again, fall for these things? No, I am not there yet and YES I may fall for these things again, but what I do know, is that if I am walking in the Spirit and doing the right things I listed above I will find myself falling for this less and less.

When the rubber meets the road, we are living the Kingdom the MOST at those times when it is HARDEST to live the Kingdom!

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Replies

  • This brought tears to my eyes.   Thanks for sharing, brother.

  • Well, I think it helps, sure, but the thing is to stick to the right focus, not trying NOT to do these things but dealing with the lies/temptations that lead to them.

  • Thanks, Bill.

    Now that you know all things these about your self (failings) and confess them to men surely Jesus can help you overcome these faults in you and be free from them once and for all?Right?



    Bill Collier said:

    yes, He is the KING. When I say "The Kingdom" I mean the FULL power, authority, and responsibility of being a follower of Jesus Christ, the King. By the way, LOVE your picture ;)

  • yes, He is the KING. When I say "The Kingdom" I mean the FULL power, authority, and responsibility of being a follower of Jesus Christ, the King. By the way, LOVE your picture ;)

  • Bill,

    Do you mean by 'living the Kingdom' you are following Christ?

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