Someone has already posted a comment about mariage and the only response they got was to go watch "Fireproof". Can we get a bit more real here. I've been single so long that it sucks. However I suspect I may not have an accurate view of marriage. Sometimes I look at the marriages around me and think that aside from certain physcal benefits I may be better off single. Us singles could use an accurate picture of marriage from those of you have been there, done that and are hopefully still doing that. I encounter some folks who seem to only mention how wonderful marriage is and how much they like being married. Maybe so but I've been walking this earth long enough to know that roses come with thorns.
What do you think are the good things about marriage? What is bad about it? What surprised you about marriage? Is your marriage great because you picked a really saintly spouse, or because you worked your tail off, or both?
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Of course roses come with thorns if they didn't we would always take the beautiful flower for granted. Marriage is very much like that of a rose. The first part you see is the big beautiful blooming flower but when you start moving down (looking at the details rather than focusing on the color that is gleaming in your eye) you find that there is the prickly part to it... the thorns. Marriage is most always beautiful to the person standing opposite side to you but there are the "thorns" that they don't always see. The most obvious things that are great about marriages are the companions, the best friends, the never being alone, etc. For me the best thing about my marriage is the feeling of being loved and to love.
I agree with Mike using the term"bad" things, I'm going to use the word test .
Who's going to take the dog out? Who's going to clean the bathroom? Who's going to mow the yard? Who's going to do the dishes? Who's going to fix the chair? etc... I was smiling when I wrote these questions because they are questions that suprisingly start the begining of the "tests". When you read these questions you probably wouldn't think that if you started your night off by asking them to your spouse, you would start your next morning waking up on the couch. :) Obviously not always true but there are those times where the wife AND the husband feel they do all the work. Tests can be overwhelming, they can make you feel like the world is at end, but it's how you handle the situation/test that makes the world of difference.
Most important part of a relationship (IMO) COMMUNICATION!!!! I'm no marriage counselor but from my experience communication is vital. My first husband and I were together for 14 years and married 8 of those. We had no communication what so ever. Back then it was always easier to walk away or go to sleep and hope that by the next morning the other person has pushed the problem under the rug and you don't have to deal with it. When we separated, it was the first time in my life I had ever been alone. It was horrible! I was terrified, I hated being alone and I truly thought my life had no meaning after that. 5 years later I found my soul mate. We joke, we laugh, we cry and yes we test eachother! Marriages take work on both ends. Both partners have to be in it for one another, not for themselves. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship, I know he would love for me to zip my mouth and throw away the key at times, but that's the beauty of it all. I know this.. I know he feels that way and I know how to correct it and visa versa. COMMUNICATION.
I am also moving this to the General Discussion catagory. I updated the title of the catagory on connecting to God and Each other... the catagory is more for the "How to's". Thanks!
Here are some starters for How to have a great marriage to answer Lisa's question...
First, nothing beats a great marriage. I've been married for over 36 years. I've seen the very best of times and the very worst of times. The best of times is just like the Bible talks about: the two will become one flesh. And not just physical, although that is a nice benefit. To really know, love and depend on one another. It is great.
However, there have been the other times when you wonder, "What WAS I THINKING?!!!!?"
There is a reason in our lives that the worst of times left and for the most part I feel we live in the best of times...
If we're going to figure out how to work our new cell phone, we look in the manual. God gave us a manual, the Bible -- in it are the 'secrets' for successful relationships. And, not just in marriage! Plus, we won't get far in using our cell phone if we don't have a charged battery. God not only gives us a manual, but he gives us the power to actually get from here to there.
Marriage is a lot like becoming a Christian (and vice versa). You have to 'die' to your old life of living just for yourself. You have to fully embrace a new life totally shared by another. That is the best of marriage on earth and a perfect picture of the marriage God calls us to with him.
Sorry, this will be sort of a random thoughts thing. It's easier to share it that way for me.
To begin, let me repeat an extremely truthful phrase I've heard many times that is very applicable in marriage:
Love is a verb.
Love is not something you just feel; it is an action. In a committed marriage, you don't wait to feel the love, you make it. You take action to create it. You do loving things for the other person. You live up to 1 Corinthians 13 as much as it lieth within you.
I didn't marry a perfect person, and I also remind myself, neither did my husband. Both of us are damaged goods, but "love covers a multitude of sins." That's not to say we haven't had problems. The thing is this ring on my finger didn't go on just to come off (besides, I'm so fat it would have trouble coming off now). We both went into our marriage believing truly "till death do us part." Divorce is NOT an option. Oh, sure, the temptation has come up. But it's just that--temptation. Neither one of us gives any serious thought to it. We came into our marriage believing that God has brought us together, so we believe we should work with Him to keep it that way.
One of the things I've found really helpful in marriage is a sense of humor, and the ability to not take yourself too seriously. To laugh together is a wonderful thing.
The bad things about marriage? Being selfish and thinking only of yourself. The ease with which you can take your spouse for granted without realizing you're doing it. Realizing you're going to have to sleep with the person you just had a fight with (or else you'll have to sleep on the couch, and that's the pits). Being tempted to look at someone else because you're a little bit bored with your spouse.
The good things about marriage? Having someone there who will stand up for you, be your friend, hold you, even when all the rest of the world thinks you're crazy or worthless. Having someone you know will love you deeply for the rest of your life. Having someone to share things with--sunsets, old tv shows, favorite restaurants, inside jokes. Having someone to grow old with and recount memories with.
The best thing? I married a man who loved me deeply before I ever fell for him. It's hard to even think of breaking his heart, knowing that kind of devotion. It reminds me a little of the love of God--how He first loved us before we ever loved Him.
Replies
I agree with Mike using the term"bad" things, I'm going to use the word test .
Who's going to take the dog out? Who's going to clean the bathroom? Who's going to mow the yard? Who's going to do the dishes? Who's going to fix the chair? etc... I was smiling when I wrote these questions because they are questions that suprisingly start the begining of the "tests". When you read these questions you probably wouldn't think that if you started your night off by asking them to your spouse, you would start your next morning waking up on the couch. :) Obviously not always true but there are those times where the wife AND the husband feel they do all the work. Tests can be overwhelming, they can make you feel like the world is at end, but it's how you handle the situation/test that makes the world of difference.
Most important part of a relationship (IMO) COMMUNICATION!!!! I'm no marriage counselor but from my experience communication is vital. My first husband and I were together for 14 years and married 8 of those. We had no communication what so ever. Back then it was always easier to walk away or go to sleep and hope that by the next morning the other person has pushed the problem under the rug and you don't have to deal with it. When we separated, it was the first time in my life I had ever been alone. It was horrible! I was terrified, I hated being alone and I truly thought my life had no meaning after that. 5 years later I found my soul mate. We joke, we laugh, we cry and yes we test eachother! Marriages take work on both ends. Both partners have to be in it for one another, not for themselves. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship, I know he would love for me to zip my mouth and throw away the key at times, but that's the beauty of it all. I know this.. I know he feels that way and I know how to correct it and visa versa. COMMUNICATION.
Here are some starters for How to have a great marriage to answer Lisa's question...
First, nothing beats a great marriage. I've been married for over 36 years. I've seen the very best of times and the very worst of times. The best of times is just like the Bible talks about: the two will become one flesh. And not just physical, although that is a nice benefit. To really know, love and depend on one another. It is great.
However, there have been the other times when you wonder, "What WAS I THINKING?!!!!?"
There is a reason in our lives that the worst of times left and for the most part I feel we live in the best of times...
If we're going to figure out how to work our new cell phone, we look in the manual. God gave us a manual, the Bible -- in it are the 'secrets' for successful relationships. And, not just in marriage! Plus, we won't get far in using our cell phone if we don't have a charged battery. God not only gives us a manual, but he gives us the power to actually get from here to there.
Marriage is a lot like becoming a Christian (and vice versa). You have to 'die' to your old life of living just for yourself. You have to fully embrace a new life totally shared by another. That is the best of marriage on earth and a perfect picture of the marriage God calls us to with him.
Good things- Having some one to talk with, some one to laugh with, an equal, a ying to your yang,
Bad things- HMMM I do not like the term bad! How about challenges splitting work and home time.
My marriage is good because of one simple things I was told. " marriage is not a 50/50 relationship, it is 100/100 if it is too work!"
To begin, let me repeat an extremely truthful phrase I've heard many times that is very applicable in marriage:
Love is a verb.
Love is not something you just feel; it is an action. In a committed marriage, you don't wait to feel the love, you make it. You take action to create it. You do loving things for the other person. You live up to 1 Corinthians 13 as much as it lieth within you.
I didn't marry a perfect person, and I also remind myself, neither did my husband. Both of us are damaged goods, but "love covers a multitude of sins." That's not to say we haven't had problems. The thing is this ring on my finger didn't go on just to come off (besides, I'm so fat it would have trouble coming off now). We both went into our marriage believing truly "till death do us part." Divorce is NOT an option. Oh, sure, the temptation has come up. But it's just that--temptation. Neither one of us gives any serious thought to it. We came into our marriage believing that God has brought us together, so we believe we should work with Him to keep it that way.
One of the things I've found really helpful in marriage is a sense of humor, and the ability to not take yourself too seriously. To laugh together is a wonderful thing.
The bad things about marriage? Being selfish and thinking only of yourself. The ease with which you can take your spouse for granted without realizing you're doing it. Realizing you're going to have to sleep with the person you just had a fight with (or else you'll have to sleep on the couch, and that's the pits). Being tempted to look at someone else because you're a little bit bored with your spouse.
The good things about marriage? Having someone there who will stand up for you, be your friend, hold you, even when all the rest of the world thinks you're crazy or worthless. Having someone you know will love you deeply for the rest of your life. Having someone to share things with--sunsets, old tv shows, favorite restaurants, inside jokes. Having someone to grow old with and recount memories with.
The best thing? I married a man who loved me deeply before I ever fell for him. It's hard to even think of breaking his heart, knowing that kind of devotion. It reminds me a little of the love of God--how He first loved us before we ever loved Him.